Head Above Water

I finally did it!! I faced my fears and wrote out my budget.
I always figured there was a certain excitement to the unknown, but doing that with money is just scary. I have had my fair share of working Alot and still not feeling like it made a difference in financial security. As a single mom,financial security is a huge if not a main goal.

So I knew that there was more to the issue than having that dream job. We all know we want that important job that pays more than minimum wage at least, but there is many rungs in a ladder.
I have always believed my success has come from reaching for the sky, but I had someone tell me "Michaela, I've seen your version of how high the sky goes is only 1,000 feet up when the sky goes soo far beyond that."
I asked myself "Why? Anyone can see I aim big".
That's when I knew in order to reach for the full extent of the sky, or what you can accomplish is a whole lot easier when you first pick up the pieces down on the ground.

So I will say I am no where near where I need to be as far as organizing and planning goes, But I do feel my head is at least above water.
And it isn't because of any high paying job I got. I work 2 minimum wage jobs. It's because I have found a few of those pieces on the ground.
I started a budget. I found I Can make it, peace of mind is worth alot of money. When you have that, think of it as part of your income if you will.

Know where you stand financially. It takes away the feeling of panic in your stomach when it's time to pay the rent and you're not sure how short you are till you have to write the check out that day.

Keep your head above water, it has to start somewhere. Even if it's the smallest start it is a start to huge relief and organization.
I think organization is the main key to being a perfect mother.

Hidden Feelings

   I try to rely on the things that inspire me and I like to think that my kids are the main inspiration or driving force that keeps me going.
After they were born and I realized we were alone, I wanted to put my emotions on hold for everything in general. I took care of them very well but I felt emotionally turned off. Why? because it felt safer that way, I could actually make it through the day.
It wasn't because a "guy" had left me, it was because it felt like my future was pulled out from under me and I did not see that one coming.
The girls kept my heart beating, is how I feel now. They gave me a second chance at life and possibly love.
How could you have such a precious responsibility and not fall in love with them?

   So I accepted it for what it was, but I won't say I "got over things" till a few years later. I didn't give myself closure until I found the way to...
 Want to know my secret? I started putting my goals and dreams higher, thinking great. When I started feeling like I could accomplish Anything in the world, that's when I finally had closure.
   Just remember, whatever you achieve, whether you feel you have a personal cheer team or not, or have anyone to be proud of you, your kids will be.
One of the greatest feelings is when you are having an off day, and your little one says " Mommy, you're so beautiful", that's love. Love that is reserved for Mommy, your cheer team.

  In spite of my goals and inspirations for success in life, I won't pretend I don't have my huge moments of feeling completely like a failure. It's amazing how I can't have every aspect of my life together all at once, at least yet. I am definitely working on that.
It's kinda like you have the kitchen clean but you don't even want to see the laundry room. Or you have the house looking awesome, but the car, Oh boy!

I have found my biggest issue is organization, planning, facing my fears of the budget making, who knew something could be scarier than laundry,right?
  So I decided I am going to try a new route. Organize!! There are so many helpful hints from people and sites on organizing, but I feel, like everything else in life, the best way is to see what works for You.
Or maybe take tips from here and there and create your own power bomb. I'd love to share how that goes as it's happening. I am very open to what works or helps you. Since organizing will be a new look for me, I hope it looks good! :-)

Introduction To My Young Mom Life

   I am a 22 year old single mom of Twin girls that are now 5 years old. I've been called "So young" by many but if anything is supposed to make you grow up, being a mom will do it.
   I was pretty sheltered and one could say naive growing up, very trusting of humanity in general. I always had a very active imagination as a little girl, the whole Prince Charming Thing that every girl dreams about, but can forget quite easily when transitioning into the grown up world.
   Well, I decided I wanted to grow up at a pretty young age and what better way to do that than to have a baby (not a logic I would advise).
   At 17 is when I had my twins, but not the fairy tale way I had envisioned it. Things did not work out with their dad and he was completely out of the picture 5 days after they were born

It has been just me and the girls since. They are my drive to succeed in this crazy thing called Life.

I don't have all the answers and I am not going to pretend to. I am simply a young  mother who very much feels the effects of life and responsibility.
  This will be my stories of how I make it everyday, and try so very hard to be '"The Perfect Mother".
 You aren't the only one who has those "What am I going to do" or "How am I going to do it" moments.
These are my experiences of making it through every day, my shortcomings, my achievements as a mom, my "imperfectness".
You know, the same things you go through and might not share or feel you can share.So here it goes and I hope my experiences is something you can relate to and if not, at least make you laugh.

Our adventures begin...